I've been suffering from insomnia all of my adult years on and off and I just dealt with another bout of it. I was sooooo tired but as soon as I laid down my body was like "KIDDING!" I was still exhausted but I just couldn't sleep, I was getting maybe three hours of broken sleep a night. My doctor whom I will call the Sleep Nazi gave me some advice, it wasn't advice I wanted to hear but I was willing to try it. It wasn't a super quick fix but within a week I was back to sleeping.
1-NO naps- no matter how tired you are NO naps....ugh this one killed me, I don't nap a lot but I have chronic illnesses which make me tired, a sleep condition which makes me tired and when I'm not sleeping at night boy do I really want to nap.
2-Go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning no matter what, no sleeping in even on weekends. ( I have to wonder if she follows her own advice)
3-Sleep 8 hours and thats it....okay so yes she gave me this advice but she is my primary care doc not my specialist and my specialists say that people with my conditions I need more sleep than the average person, 9-10 hours a night.
After researching online here are some things that I added
4- Melatonin- the evidence is sketchy but the side effects are few so I figured it was worth a shot
5-Tea with herbs for sleep, it took me awhile to find a tea that was gluten free AND didn't have an herb that interacted with my medications but I did.
6-A nightly bedtime routine
7-Putting my ipad on night mode to filter out blue light. I'm not about to give up reading on my ipad so I discovered it has a setting to change the light...I am so incompetent when it comes to technology
My nightly routine
At 9:30 I go upstairs, wash my face and then do ten minutes of gentle yoga to calming music...no on my feet crazy yoga, just gentle mat work. Then I drink my tea while I read, once my tea is done I turn off my lights and continue to read. at about 11 I go brush my teeth and take a HOT bath. I've read that you should do this about an hour before bed, not right before but it works for me. Also if I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep I get back in the hot bath, I don't turn on the light, only have the nightlight in the bathroom.
Like I said, it was instant, it took about a week of being very very exhausted and miserable but it was well worth it!
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Quick and Easy Lemon Curd
I am a bit of a Pinterest fanatic, I wouldn't say addict seeing as I can stop whenever I want to, but anyway...I was browsing recipes when a pin for lemon curd caught my eye. Its not something I eat often but the picture just looked so stinkin good! Creamy, delicious.....so naturally I had to make some.
If you've never had lemon curd you are in for a treat, it is thick, creamy, sweet with a very little bit of tartness to it, the best thing about it is that it can be made quickly and with ingredients that you probably already have on hand save for the fresh lemons.
So grab a friend or your tablet and put a show on (because you will be sitting at the stove whisky for 15 minutes) and get to making some delicious lemon curd with a recipe from Nums The Word!
If you've never had lemon curd you are in for a treat, it is thick, creamy, sweet with a very little bit of tartness to it, the best thing about it is that it can be made quickly and with ingredients that you probably already have on hand save for the fresh lemons.
So grab a friend or your tablet and put a show on (because you will be sitting at the stove whisky for 15 minutes) and get to making some delicious lemon curd with a recipe from Nums The Word!
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Adulting....Life...WTF
As a kid did you picture your life when you were an adult....other than thinking about staying up as late as we wanted to I doubt may of us did and yet, I know I didn't, even as a teenager I gave it just fleeting thoughts but now, near forty I'm pretty sure that whenever I did think about it it didn't look like this, it didn't feel like this....I'm pretty sure I thought it would be exciting instead of super repetitive.....Maybe its just me since I can no longer work due to health reasons and neither can my husband, every.single.day. is. the same...seriously they all blend together. Obviously because neither one of us can work we aren't rolling in dough so we aren't going out to dinner, on day trips, or on vacations other than to visit family. I have a feeling though it isn't just me, sure there are those people who make life look super exciting , they are always doing something, hiking, camping, going on vacation etc. But for the most part I think a lot of people really feel like they are on that spinning hamster wheel, trying to get somewhere, no really being sure where but never getting anywhere.
I'm not complaining (okay, maybe I am a little), I know I am blessed, most couples where both are "disabled" I put that in quotes because by definition yes we are but to look at us no one would ever know it because our illnesses aren't visible, anyway, most would be living in a small apartment and barely squeaking by. This is not the case, because my husband's injuries are from combat we do earn an okay living from compensation. Me on the other hand, I can't even get SSDI thanks to a freaking oversight...if I can even call it that. But we are getting by and doing okay, and I even get some work here and there as an artist, I am able to do it from home, its not steady but its nice when the work comes my way. Anyway, I digress.
I think my issue is that I lack purpose now, I had purpose when I worked, when I didn't work and chose to stay home with my daughter I still had purpose, it was to raise her, keep the house nice for my hubby who worked all day and to lead the Family Readiness Group when my husband was in the Army. These days my husband doesn't work, my daughter is pretty self sufficient and I am at a loss. This is where a lot of women go back to work, I did, last year but it became clear very quickly that with all my illness my body couldn't take it and my doctor said "no more!".
I remember in high school, senior year, our teacher had us write out where we would be in five years...back then five years seemed like an eternity, more than enough time to achieve my goals...I remember writing that I would be married to Brian, my high school sweetheart, we would live in New York City (mind you I didn't even know if Brian wanted to live there), I would be working as an advertising executive in Manhattan and we would have a dog named Cleo.....WOW lol, I look back on that now and find it HYSTERICAL! How naive I was!
Here is what really happened between ages 17 and 22, graduated high school, went to college, took a first aid class as a filler, fell in love, took an EMT class not even knowing what an EMT was I just knew it was more medical stuff that I would get to learn. Happy surprise to find out that I would get to work on an ambulance afterwards. Worked as an ER Technician in the hospital while volunteering as a firefighter, volunteering as an EMT and working another part time job and continuing college. In this time my sweetheart and I broke up, ended up moving in with an awful boyfriend, we broke up, I met a sailor, eloped five weeks later without telling anyone other than one friend, not even my parents. Left college when he got orders to a sub base in Connecticut. Worked as an EMT there and then left that job to work security in a hospital because I wanted to be a cop and it was a stepping stone. Got divorced. Started the hiring process to be a cop, passed all of the tests and interviews and then screwed up my knee and had to take myself out of the running.... I did bring home a stray cat and named it Cleo though lol, that is the closest I got to be correct in my five year plan lol. But that part of my life was so exciting professionally, personally it was turbulent but I wouldn't take it back for anything.
Okay, there was really no point to this point, just venting I suppose lol.
I'm not complaining (okay, maybe I am a little), I know I am blessed, most couples where both are "disabled" I put that in quotes because by definition yes we are but to look at us no one would ever know it because our illnesses aren't visible, anyway, most would be living in a small apartment and barely squeaking by. This is not the case, because my husband's injuries are from combat we do earn an okay living from compensation. Me on the other hand, I can't even get SSDI thanks to a freaking oversight...if I can even call it that. But we are getting by and doing okay, and I even get some work here and there as an artist, I am able to do it from home, its not steady but its nice when the work comes my way. Anyway, I digress.
I think my issue is that I lack purpose now, I had purpose when I worked, when I didn't work and chose to stay home with my daughter I still had purpose, it was to raise her, keep the house nice for my hubby who worked all day and to lead the Family Readiness Group when my husband was in the Army. These days my husband doesn't work, my daughter is pretty self sufficient and I am at a loss. This is where a lot of women go back to work, I did, last year but it became clear very quickly that with all my illness my body couldn't take it and my doctor said "no more!".
I remember in high school, senior year, our teacher had us write out where we would be in five years...back then five years seemed like an eternity, more than enough time to achieve my goals...I remember writing that I would be married to Brian, my high school sweetheart, we would live in New York City (mind you I didn't even know if Brian wanted to live there), I would be working as an advertising executive in Manhattan and we would have a dog named Cleo.....WOW lol, I look back on that now and find it HYSTERICAL! How naive I was!
Here is what really happened between ages 17 and 22, graduated high school, went to college, took a first aid class as a filler, fell in love, took an EMT class not even knowing what an EMT was I just knew it was more medical stuff that I would get to learn. Happy surprise to find out that I would get to work on an ambulance afterwards. Worked as an ER Technician in the hospital while volunteering as a firefighter, volunteering as an EMT and working another part time job and continuing college. In this time my sweetheart and I broke up, ended up moving in with an awful boyfriend, we broke up, I met a sailor, eloped five weeks later without telling anyone other than one friend, not even my parents. Left college when he got orders to a sub base in Connecticut. Worked as an EMT there and then left that job to work security in a hospital because I wanted to be a cop and it was a stepping stone. Got divorced. Started the hiring process to be a cop, passed all of the tests and interviews and then screwed up my knee and had to take myself out of the running.... I did bring home a stray cat and named it Cleo though lol, that is the closest I got to be correct in my five year plan lol. But that part of my life was so exciting professionally, personally it was turbulent but I wouldn't take it back for anything.
Okay, there was really no point to this point, just venting I suppose lol.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Mommy Guilt
I am suffering from mommy guilt BIG TIME today. My daughter is on half days until the end of the school year (which is tomorrow) and she is bored to death. I know that she is 11 now and she can entertain herself but I really feel like I should be doing something with her and yes I SHOULD be doing things with her throughout the day. I just have so little energy, I have numerous health conditions, three of which are autoimmune and zap my energy , I can't function at the pace of a healthy person, when I try I end up laid up for days. On top of that I have several serious illnesses going on in my family, one of my very close family members, I won't say who or what relation as the person is very private, any way that person is terminal. So besides my household chores, my numerous doctors appointments, my husband's appointments (he is a disabled combat veteran) I am running back and forth between family members homes as well and I'm not sleeping well...last night I slept for 2 hours and it was broken sleep. So my brain wants to get up and do all kinds of fun things with my daughter but my body ...ugh...my body just won't so I sit here and feel guilty. Even though I know I have valid reasons and I know that there will be better days than this that I will be up to a lot of things....today I just feel like a crap mom.
Why are we so hard on ourselves? If it were my best friend telling me exactly what I just wrote I would tell her that half a day of being bored isn't going to hurt her child, that it will actually help her kid to learn how to keep herself occupied. I would tell her that she needs to put herself first sometimes because if she doesn't take care of herself then she won't be able to take care of anyone else. But since its me I just beat myself up, and I know a lot of you are guilty of it as well....but one thing I will tell you is if you are beating yourself up then you don't have to worry about if you are a bad mom....a bad mom wouldn't give a thought to if she were being a bad mom or a good mom.....
Why are we so hard on ourselves? If it were my best friend telling me exactly what I just wrote I would tell her that half a day of being bored isn't going to hurt her child, that it will actually help her kid to learn how to keep herself occupied. I would tell her that she needs to put herself first sometimes because if she doesn't take care of herself then she won't be able to take care of anyone else. But since its me I just beat myself up, and I know a lot of you are guilty of it as well....but one thing I will tell you is if you are beating yourself up then you don't have to worry about if you are a bad mom....a bad mom wouldn't give a thought to if she were being a bad mom or a good mom.....
Getting Real
I love blogs as much as the next girl but so many times in the past I have felt like I was failing adulting hardcore because all of these lovely blog ladies seemed to have their shiiii.......ahem, stuff together, gorgeously decorated house, slim figures, restaurant worthy meals with veggies at every dinner (which we are to assume their children ate with glee before asking for a second helping of Brussels Sprouts). Social media can be great things can come from it but usually it is used to show off someones ideal life rather than showing each other that we too are still in yoga pants at 4 in the afternoon, the dog played with a snake in the backyard and the snake played back so there was an emergency run to the vet, the kid had a temper tantrum resulting in all her earthly possessions being thrown down the stairs while she screams "I QUIT THIS ROOM!!!" and a bird pooped on you as you walked out of the door dragging a toddler who refuses to walk only to realize that she refuses to walk because its winter and you, in your stressed out mom daze forgot to put shoes on her....yes, these are all true stories...stay tune, I have more.
I believe in being real, we can shame each other into feeling like we aren't good enough to make ourselves feel better which in reality doesn't change our situation at all or we can get real, realize that we are all in the same boat and laugh together which still doesn't change ours situation but it makes us much less of an asshole. Yes I make some restaurant worthy meals, I love to cook but trust me, it isn't every night, some days are just crappy days and we have breakfast for dinner which my husband and child think is quite fun or we have a pick night which they also love because it means they get to eat whatever they want as long as I don't have to make it....everyone is happy. I'm not slim anymore thanks to many chronic illnesses, I'm not happy not to be slim but I'm not going to photoshop myself to make people who will never meet me in real life think I'm a smoking hot mom....I do believe in good lighting, good angles and if I'm going to a fancy event (ha, like that has happened since 2013) , a good pair of Spanx! My house is sometimes really really spic and span and neat, usually right after I've spent a couple hours cleaning it and it lasts for a half of an hour.....
So if you are looking for a picture perfect life with a well paid husband who models in his spare time when he is not saving puppies and babies from burning buildings and walking old ladies across the street, with a wife who still wears her jeans from high school, volunteers at the clinic for lepers while heading up the PTA and volunteering as class mom in between keeping her house spic and span, cooking perfect meals AND nailing pinterest crafts on a daily basis....keep looking, this is so not the blog for you.
If you are looking for a blog with a down to Earth, real lady that you can commiserate with....I'm your girl
I believe in being real, we can shame each other into feeling like we aren't good enough to make ourselves feel better which in reality doesn't change our situation at all or we can get real, realize that we are all in the same boat and laugh together which still doesn't change ours situation but it makes us much less of an asshole. Yes I make some restaurant worthy meals, I love to cook but trust me, it isn't every night, some days are just crappy days and we have breakfast for dinner which my husband and child think is quite fun or we have a pick night which they also love because it means they get to eat whatever they want as long as I don't have to make it....everyone is happy. I'm not slim anymore thanks to many chronic illnesses, I'm not happy not to be slim but I'm not going to photoshop myself to make people who will never meet me in real life think I'm a smoking hot mom....I do believe in good lighting, good angles and if I'm going to a fancy event (ha, like that has happened since 2013) , a good pair of Spanx! My house is sometimes really really spic and span and neat, usually right after I've spent a couple hours cleaning it and it lasts for a half of an hour.....
So if you are looking for a picture perfect life with a well paid husband who models in his spare time when he is not saving puppies and babies from burning buildings and walking old ladies across the street, with a wife who still wears her jeans from high school, volunteers at the clinic for lepers while heading up the PTA and volunteering as class mom in between keeping her house spic and span, cooking perfect meals AND nailing pinterest crafts on a daily basis....keep looking, this is so not the blog for you.
If you are looking for a blog with a down to Earth, real lady that you can commiserate with....I'm your girl
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