As a kid did you picture your life when you were an adult....other than thinking about staying up as late as we wanted to I doubt may of us did and yet, I know I didn't, even as a teenager I gave it just fleeting thoughts but now, near forty I'm pretty sure that whenever I did think about it it didn't look like this, it didn't feel like this....I'm pretty sure I thought it would be exciting instead of super repetitive.....Maybe its just me since I can no longer work due to health reasons and neither can my husband, every.single.day. is. the same...seriously they all blend together. Obviously because neither one of us can work we aren't rolling in dough so we aren't going out to dinner, on day trips, or on vacations other than to visit family. I have a feeling though it isn't just me, sure there are those people who make life look super exciting , they are always doing something, hiking, camping, going on vacation etc. But for the most part I think a lot of people really feel like they are on that spinning hamster wheel, trying to get somewhere, no really being sure where but never getting anywhere.
I'm not complaining (okay, maybe I am a little), I know I am blessed, most couples where both are "disabled" I put that in quotes because by definition yes we are but to look at us no one would ever know it because our illnesses aren't visible, anyway, most would be living in a small apartment and barely squeaking by. This is not the case, because my husband's injuries are from combat we do earn an okay living from compensation. Me on the other hand, I can't even get SSDI thanks to a freaking oversight...if I can even call it that. But we are getting by and doing okay, and I even get some work here and there as an artist, I am able to do it from home, its not steady but its nice when the work comes my way. Anyway, I digress.
I think my issue is that I lack purpose now, I had purpose when I worked, when I didn't work and chose to stay home with my daughter I still had purpose, it was to raise her, keep the house nice for my hubby who worked all day and to lead the Family Readiness Group when my husband was in the Army. These days my husband doesn't work, my daughter is pretty self sufficient and I am at a loss. This is where a lot of women go back to work, I did, last year but it became clear very quickly that with all my illness my body couldn't take it and my doctor said "no more!".
I remember in high school, senior year, our teacher had us write out where we would be in five years...back then five years seemed like an eternity, more than enough time to achieve my goals...I remember writing that I would be married to Brian, my high school sweetheart, we would live in New York City (mind you I didn't even know if Brian wanted to live there), I would be working as an advertising executive in Manhattan and we would have a dog named Cleo.....WOW lol, I look back on that now and find it HYSTERICAL! How naive I was!
Here is what really happened between ages 17 and 22, graduated high school, went to college, took a first aid class as a filler, fell in love, took an EMT class not even knowing what an EMT was I just knew it was more medical stuff that I would get to learn. Happy surprise to find out that I would get to work on an ambulance afterwards. Worked as an ER Technician in the hospital while volunteering as a firefighter, volunteering as an EMT and working another part time job and continuing college. In this time my sweetheart and I broke up, ended up moving in with an awful boyfriend, we broke up, I met a sailor, eloped five weeks later without telling anyone other than one friend, not even my parents. Left college when he got orders to a sub base in Connecticut. Worked as an EMT there and then left that job to work security in a hospital because I wanted to be a cop and it was a stepping stone. Got divorced. Started the hiring process to be a cop, passed all of the tests and interviews and then screwed up my knee and had to take myself out of the running.... I did bring home a stray cat and named it Cleo though lol, that is the closest I got to be correct in my five year plan lol. But that part of my life was so exciting professionally, personally it was turbulent but I wouldn't take it back for anything.
Okay, there was really no point to this point, just venting I suppose lol.
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