Okay, so I didn't actually go anywhere, my computer broke and there was no way I was going to attempt a blog post on a tablet. In fact, I've had the new computer for about a week but it has taken me that long to get used to typing again.
So lets see, has anything happened since last I wrote, well of course it has because its my life and my life can never just be stable now can it? I don't know if I have talked about this on this blog, but back in April of 2015 my heart started racing out of no where, 133 beats a minute and I was just resting, I wasn't anxious or anything and it wouldn't go down. Soon after I began a new job, more symptoms came, I was very fatigued but I had just started a new job so I figured that was it, by August my doctor pulled me out of work, I was having palpitations, short of breath, I was so weak I could barely hold myself up. Even sitting down with my legs up and my back leaning against the back rest if felt like I was putting forth the effort of running, there was just no relief, no rest. All of my blood work came back normal which frustrated both myself and my doctor. I was sent to many different specialist, I was put on a medication to help keep my blood pressure higher because it was pretty low but other than that no one knew what was going on. I was on the couch all day every day for months and it was a hmmmm, do I want to shower today or do I want to make myself food today sort of thing because I did NOT have energy for both. If we went grocery shopping I had to ride the motorized scooter and I was exhausted just from that. But then it gradually went away, I'd say about 80% anyway, I got tired more easily than I used to, my resting heart rate decided its new how was going to be at 100 beats per minute but I could more or less function again.
Fast forward to 2016, worst year of my life, the most emotional stress started in April when I was diagnosed with pseudo tumor cerebri on the same day my mom was diagnosed with ALS (she told me the next day). So there was a lot of emotional stress but then as mom declined there was a lot of physical stress as I helped care for her and then we were in a car accident which just added to more stress and then I had brain surgery....I believe that I wrote about everything else. I thought I was just being very slow to recover from my brain surgery, I was just so tired. But it kept getting worse, I just couldn't keep up, I knew it was bad when on my night to cook dinner I took my entire months spending money from myself to buy chinese for my daughter and husband because I just couldn't muster the energy to cook. Long story short, this time we have a diagnoses, POTS, which stands for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. I could talk all day about the symptoms but if you are interested Google it. At this point I'm bed bound, if I stands up or sometimes just sit up for more than a minute my pulse just shoots right up, I think the highest its gone is 170, but if I recline back and put by feet up in drops right now into the 70s. So if I get up its not long before I'm shaking and light headed and short of breath and either black out or pass out.
I need a nap after taking a bath, its ridiculous. I wish this meant that I would be blogging more but most days I can't think straight or I don't feel well enough to feel motivated. Plus Im try to get better which is really hard because there really arent many options out there which is frustrating as hell.
I just know that there is a lesson in here for me. I am here right now because this is where I am supposed to be.
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