Death

Why is the talk of death so shied away from in our country, it's spoken about in hushed tones, some people won't talk about it at all, like simply speaking of it is inviting it to your door. We bury our heads in the sand and pretend that it isn't going to happen. That baffles me, no one ever makes it out alive, ever, why the fear of the conversation? I do understand the fear of HOW we might die, for me its suffocation, the idea of suffocation is my terror. But simply the idea of death, that doesn't frighten me, that's part of the package, it's how things go, it is the way it is meant to be.

I never really put too much thought into people's avoidance of death, from time to time I would notice it but it wasn't until my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness that I really started to notice just how much it effected people. A whole lot of denial going on. I remember talking to my grandmother about something for my mom and she was talking about how long term it wasn't good for you....and I'm thinking, um, Gram? She is dying, doesn't really matter. But I'm astounded at how many people avoid that conversations that should be had.

At first mom was in denial so we couldn't have those talks, as she came more into acceptance we started to. We talked about her memorial, where she wanted it, what music she wanted, if she wanted her urn to be present or not. We knew where she was going to be buried. We talked about what medical interventions she wanted, if any. I had Heimliched her once and I asked her, next time that happens, if I am unable to get the food up and you go unconscious, do you want me to keep going or do you want me to stop? She wanted me to stop. That was good to know. If it were to happen I wouldn't always wonder if I did the right thing or not. Unfortunately her speech and other ways of communication went very quickly, too quickly, there were many more things I wanted to ask her about her death.

You see, I think death should be embraced. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that you have to like that its happening, what I mean is that you accept that death is happening and then you do everything in your power to give that person the best death possible. Some of the people that are dying won't want to talk about it but most probably will and the preferences will be all over the place. Some may want to be surrounded by family, some may want to die alone. Some may want clergy present. As for my mom, I plan to make it a very relaxed and calm atmosphere. She doesn't want medical intervention so most likely we will have about a week where we see it coming so I can be there the whole time. I will dim  the lights, if its spring I will make sure there is fresh air, she loves fresh air,  I will snuggle in bed with her even though she won't be conscious for most of it she will feel someone else with her, I will bring oil and aromatherapy oils and massage her muscles, I will talk to her and I will sing to her and I will tell her that she did her job and she did it well and its okay to go.

A beautiful death is just as important as a beautiful life.